Hello Earthlings,
How are you? It is such a loaded question, isn’t it? Do we REALLY want to know how people are doing? The classic answer is “I am good, how are you?” which is fine and pleasant and returns the favor. The other person might respond, “good, good..thanks.” And then you part ways.
The next time someone asks you how you are doing, I dare you to be honest. Either you will make a new friend, or that person will avoid eye contact with you in the future. I hate small talk like this because I am not good at it. In fact, it is one of my top three fears, and since I brought it up, I will list them here for you.
my top three fears …
Being killed in the woods by a bear while I scream into the endless sea of trees while a pretty bird sits perched on the branch of a tree, watching in disgust as my insides become outsides and that damn bird with its useless wings just sits and sings a pretty song, instead of getting help like any respectful bird should. ( Sorry, this is how my mind operates)
Water related activites. Pools make me anxious. I am very shy about being in a bathing suit and can probably count on one hand the times I have worn one in my adult life, so if you have a pool, I politely decline your invitation. Imagine small talk with my lady parts out? No thank you!!! Honourable mentions are …I can’t swim, I have curly hair that drys into a frizzy mess if wetted and left unattended in the sun, oceans have sharks, and lakes have snakes.
Small talk - “Can you believe this weather?” (scurries away)
I would categorize those who are good at small talk as extroverted and those who are not as introverted. This maybe is a vast generalization, but hear me out. First, let’s take a look at artists.
I believe there is a divide when it comes to creative folks. Some of us are so introverted that we might as well be hibernating, and some are so extroverted that our calendars are booked a year in advance. Then there are those of us who live somewhere in the middle, between the two extremes.
I am a closer-to-hibernation kind of gal. Covid was probably a little too comfortable for me. Stay home? No social gatherings?… Is it my birthday?? I enjoy my time alone or sitting in a room with my husband and dog while he strums on his guitar, and I type away. It feels peaceful and controllable. I feel less anxiety and despair when I am in my bubble. This lifestyle is excellent for writers and equally applicable to my husband, a musician. We go our separate ways to create and meet up for dinner and to watch a movie or a show. The downside is that when you are alone, and if you are not keeping yourself busy, you can easily get trapped in your head and become a victim of your thoughts. Sometimes that girl in my head is a real bitch who says insensitive things and worries about absolutely everything!!
Examples of my derailed train of thought vs. my intelligent, rational mind;
I think my dog is limping (she is not, its called running)
why do I have a headache again?( perhaps its because you don’t drink enough water )
I am pretty sure that person doesn’t like me (you don’t even know her name)
this sunburn better not turn to cancer (you sat out for five minutes)
my dad sounded tired on the phone, is he ok? (He was until he called you)
Has everyone noticed that I gained weight? (No one actually cares…they have their only lives to think about)
Creative extroverts often have a better chance at success in the art world because they are more comfortable with everything required to get the word out. They have built-in confidence mechanisms that generate great admiration. They talk to people, and they promote themselves on social media. They are full of charm. They have a network of people that they stay in touch. They shine in the spotlight and enjoy their time there. They don’t care about the haters because they love themselves!!
A tale of my time in the spotlight…
When I was in high school, I was in a play called Fame—ever heard of it? It is a musical, and I was one of the leads. I was cast as the Latina drug addict who sold her body for cash in Los Angeles when her dream of becoming famous didn’t come true. (Who doesn’t want to sing about that?) I had to sing the BIGGEST song in the show!! You know it, “ fame..I‘m gonna live forever, I’m going to learn how to fly “. When I auditioned for the play, the director/drama teacher, an absolute gem of a man, told me that I got the part because I could act (I can totally cry on demand)…Not because I could sing. If you know me well, you know I live in fear all of the time. But I pushed myself to try out for the part because I loved my drama classes. I loved the community and collaboration that flourished in that setting. So I decided to climb out from behind the scenes of the play ( I was literally a prop person before) and see what happens. In the end, I found something out about myself that was life-changing. I loved the theatre. I felt energized by standing in front of a crowd of people, in the dark, with a spotlight on me. I felt brave acting and did the best I could with the singing. No one threw tomatoes or booed me off the stage. They were kind and applauded and told me they REALLY liked my acting. My dad even shed a tear and gave me roses.
“I can't deny the fact that you like me. Right now, you like me!”
Sally Fields
So, this is the thing. I am putting myself on a tiny little stage again with this newsletter and my debut novel because I believe I can write. Whether or not others agree with that doesn’t matter because I feel energized as I write this. When my book is done, I will probably have a meltdown and hate it, but I will send it out…I am going to try and get it published. Then, if no one wants to publish it, I will do it myself. There are so many things that I want to do, and I have waited far too long to do them. So, if you have a dream, you should go for it. It might be scary, and you might be shy, but you have to take the first step.
I appreciate you reading this, and If you know me personally, then there might be things you have read or are reading that surprise you about me. Perhaps you didn’t realize that sometimes I have a potty mouth? Or that I love horror so much? Maybe you have suspected that I am bad at small talk and wondered why it is hard to get to know me. Maybe I am easy to know, and I am just insecure. Whatever it is. I want you to know that when I ask how you are doing…I really want to know, and if you ask me, don’t be surprised if I bring up the weather. It is my small talk comfort blanket.
Xo
Michelle Lee Stuart
Loving reading your writing. Definitely relate to not being a fan of small talk. I think we are similar in some ways. You articulate it so well.
Enjoying getting to know you better thru your articles Michelle. Lots of food for thought as well as encouragement & some laughs too. Keep them coming.