Hello.
I am so glad you are back.
I hope you are having a great day…I really do…no bullshit here!
Quick question to start things off today. Have you ever chosen a date on your calendar and decided THAT was the day that your life would start to change for the better? From that date on…you will follow an intricately detailed schedule, eat healthier (perhaps even become vegan), save more money, save the Planet, exercise daily, and get a mammogram and a pap test…and,of course, write at least 1000 words daily towards your best-selling novel. This is an excellent example of some Planet Maybe wishful thinking, and I am a professional at this particular skill.
One thing I am excellent at writing are lists. Not grocery lists, but lists of ways I need to improve my life or be a sad girl forever. I have an embarrassing number of journals that start like this.
“I am sad today. I had a donut for breakfast…ugh. I wanted to work out, but I had a headache…again. I need to get my shit together. I have decided that this Monday will be the day that everything changes. My life is going to be amazing. I am more than capable of achieving all my dreams. So, starting Monday, I am going to do the following.
Get up at 6:00 am and walk the dog before work ( bahahahahaha!)
Make a healthy smoothie (breakfast makes me gag)
Get pretty and get to work (I showered yesterday right? that counts)
Have a salad with protein for lunch (lettuce discuss this further)
Walk during my breaks (ok this one I do!!!!)
Meditate when I get home (turns into a nap with drool)
Write 1000 words of my book (or doom scroll through the internet and wonder if you should start storing canned goods in the basement for the inevitable end of planet earth)
Write down ten things I am grateful for before bed. ( where’s the pen? ughh….forget it…zzzzzzzzzz)
Can you relate?
I was looking behind the little door of my Ikea bookshelf, and I discovered my shameful collection of self-help literature that I had never read. I have noticed a lot of talk in the self-help world about grit and resilience, which sounds like a lot of work. The reality of my existence on earth is that I struggle with my mental health. Now, I am not saying that this fact makes me unique or a unicorn covered in snowflakes; it is just a fact of my life, and many other people’s lives. I feel as though I have gritted and resilienced my way through days, weeks, and sometimes months at a time..in fact, the past 15 years were a crazy mind filet, so I am not interested in getting tougher. Instead, I am choosing to love myself as I am packaged. I am who I am, and that is it. But, I am very interested in the concept of perspective. The idea is that we see the world through our lens, and that lens is all dirty and smudgy because of our life experiences. So, what if we cleaned those glasses up and changed our perspective? You are probably wondering what this has to do with writing, and I get it…that is why you are here to read about my midlife writing crisis; I am not Oprah, so here is the question currently constipating me. If I remove the smudge from my glasses where I cannot imagine myself as capable as some of my favorite authors, might I view my future as a writer more confidently? Or is this another trap where I stay stuck on Planet Maybe? Sylvester Stallone wrote Rocky for his damn self, and JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter in cafes with a sleeping baby by her side…which I imagined woke up and sometimes cried, much to the dismay of fellow cafe folk who just wanted a latte and some gosh darn quiet..sorry. I digress. Is there a healthy balance between Planet Maybe & Earth? Or am I just a hope junkie who can’t let go?
I want to take this moment to thank you for reading this far into my blah blah blahs.
I appreciate you and want to know more about you, so feel free to introduce yourself in the comments.
P.S. here is another subtly manipulative puppy photo to keep you coming back for more.
xo
Michelle Lee Stuart
lucyloo definately was a bonus at the end of a well written commentary that I can so relate to. Oh that Tomorrow. Manana nunca llega.
You are an amazing person Michelle and that truly is my unbiased opinion. Keep making those lists girl! ❤️