I can’t help but reflect on the creepy aspects of Christmas this time of year…
Remember when our parents would threaten us with such utterings as;
“You better behave, or Santa won’t bring you any presents!”
“Santa is watching you!”
“If you don’t go to bed, Santa won’t come!”
as children, we are wildly unaware of the psychological manipulation put upon us, and the twisted joy our parents surely received from watching us sweat it out until Christmas morning.
I have concluded that Santa Claus is a stalker!!!
The proof is in the songs that we sing blindly and gleefully, that if investigated, would surely put this bearded dude behind bars…
“He see’s you when your sleeping, he know when you’re awake, he knows If you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake”
Seriously….Dateline needs to investigate this!!
Dear Santa, slow your reindeer!!
Why are you watching all the children and making nice and naughty lists? You don’t know why they have been naughty!! They might have trauma!
I am also profoundly concerned about the sleeping part….why does he have to know when children are sleeping? That is worrisome, and Santa should probably be on one of those lists that parents can look up to see who they shouldn’t trust in their neighborhood!
But this is the thing…it works.
I remember being four years old, and my brother was nine. My parents told us that we were not allowed to get out of bed in the middle of the night because if we did, Santa wouldn’t leave us any presents (gasp!!)
I know now that what my parents didn’t want us to see was them wrapping our presents, getting tipsy, and making out on the couch…
but I was so terrified of missing out on that gleeful morning full of flying wrapping paper and bows that even when my tiny bladder urged me to the bathroom to relieve myself, I made the decision that would haunt me for the rest of my life; I peed in my Christmas pajamas and, went back to sleep, confident that I made the best decision
In the morning, my parents had no one to blame but themselves when I tearfully explained that I didn’t want Santa to leave.
Further proof of my parent’s antics were on the porch outside, where we had left water and carrots for the reindeer, and my parents, enjoying this manipulation way too much, left a collar with jingle bells on it and told us that Rudolph, the king of reindeers, had lost his collar at our frickin house. HOLY SHIT!!
Nowadays, there is The Elf on the Shelf.
Which, in my opinion, is NEXT LEVEL stalking….
The Elf is considered one of Santa’s “scouts,” and he arrives at the child’s house from the North Pole anytime between the end of November and December 1st. Children are led to believe that Santa dispatches these haunted dolls to hang out at your house until Christmas comes, and EACH DAY, this little jerk goes back to The North Pole and snitches on you. To prove this as fact, parents…who I imagine think this is fun the first week or two, and then want to die, move the Elf around while their children sleep so that it appears that this thing somehow became animated and moved around on its own accord.
Hey Elf….snitches get stitches!!
I have seen the elaborate scenes that parents share on Facebook, where they have created high-end Steven Spielberg-type sets to put their Elf into, like a paper mache palace that someone’s mom built until 4 am the night before, with the Elf peeking out one of the many windows.. or the Elf sitting in the pilot seat of a motorized helicopter that flies itself around the top of the Christmas tree. Meanwhile, some of the less caffeinated parents are happy to keep it simple and point out to little Billy that the Elf WAS on the fireplace mantle, but NOW he is on the piano..look at that magic!!
Honestly, though, from what I have observed, The Elf on the Shelf brings a lot of joy and excitement to the whole family and most likely has brought many busy families together each day in a way they wouldn’t have otherwise.
Christmas is about magic!!
It is a time when the innocence of children is on full display as they gaze dreamily under the Christmas tree and wonder if Santa got their list. I believed in Santa so much that I heard jingle bells at night and swore I could hear reindeer on our roof, even though Santa didn’t have a chimney and fireplace to slide down and pop out of.
It is a time I miss with all my heart. My brother and I had the absolute best Christmas mornings thanks to our parents, who made it special every year…and for that, I am grateful.
P.S. - The beautiful thing about Christmas is that as you age, the magic doesn’t fade; it just changes shape.
I would love to hear about your Christmas Stalking stories in the comments below!!
Whether you are a parent or have a childhood memory…the floor is yours.
OMG, dying here! I was TERRIFIED of Santa as a child. An uncle (I believe) always dressed up and came to our house every Christmas Eve. I would hide under the table, in the bathroom, or anywhere else I could hide my shy fearful self. IDK what it was - maybe my stellar intuition - but Santa was a no bueno for me. I grew up in Detroit in the 50's and we had a place called the Rotunda. We stood in line for HOURS, climbing the stairs to sit on the creep's lap and I just flat-our refused. I was little - maybe 4 or 5? IDK, it's all a terrifying blur. He still creeps me out. Thanks for the laughs, Michelle! xo